SW3D – Bring it ON!!!

The other day I saw the trailer of Star Wars Episode One 3-D and I am juiced! Yes, the naysayers have had their bit to say about Episodes 1 to 3, and, whilst they may not have the “classic quality” of the original trilogy (Chapters 4 – 6), if they’re being re-released in 3-D, I’ll be there. Just as I was there when the original trilogy was remixed and re-released in Dolby Digital sound. From what I’ve seen of the trailer, the 3-D conversion is superb. Of course, we shouldn’t be surprised, as it’s taken years to do this stereoptic conversion, and George Lucas was surely not going to subject all those years of love, toil and dedication to a ghastly rush-job, along the lines of last year’s execrable remake of Clash of the Titans.

Active 3-D’s Award Ceremony for 2010

Whilst donning my tuxedo, I must apologise for my absence of the last few months, sadly necessitated by the restructuring of my company. Let us, however, consider last year’s 3-D releases, blow some raspberries, and dish out out some trophies, shall we? Shhh… the lights are dimming…
[Some random dancing is followed by a respectful hush as the announcer is tracked to centre stage by a follow-spot. He isn’t famous, but that’s a budgetary issue… He begins with the evening’s announcements:]

First up, is the…

Active 3-D 2010 Award for the 3-D film that was:

NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS ITS REPUTATION

Tron: Legacy – it was heartening to see original stars Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner return for the sequel, and the film contained some eye-ticklingly fanciful virtual environments – and a strong, driving soundtrack by Daft Punk. Its storyline wasn’t up to much, however, and its premise – that software should be available to all at no cost – flies brutally in the face of the film studios’ fight against piracy. Uncle Walt would’ve been horrified.

"And this pedal here accelerates box office receipts..."

 

That wasn’t as classy as one had expected.

Here, then, the…

Active 3-D 2010 Award for the 3-D film that was:

NOT QUITE AS BAD AS ITS REPUTATION

A tie, ladies and gentlemen:

Piranha 3-D – sadly, it wasn’t the tongue-in-cheek tribute to animal horror flicks that I had expected, but its crass attempts to please the older teen market at all costs were frequently laugh-out-loud ridiculous. Unintentionally so, of course. Richard Dreyfuss makes a funny cameo upfront which has all the movie buffs commenting that “You’re gonna need a bigger boat”, and its gasp-inducing, outrageous and counter-intuitive last few seconds were worth the price of admission alone!

Shrek Forever After was an entertaining-enough romp. I really believed that it didn’t deserve the vilification it received from so many loyal Shrek fans, despite the fact that its plot premise – of Shrek’s midlife crisis – was a bit heavy for junior audiences, and probably a bit depressing for the parents that took their kids to see the film.

 

 

With some trepidation, we approach the

Active 3-D 2010 Award for THE CURSE OF 2010

Without a shadow of doubt, this goes to Post-production 2-D to 3-D conversion, which plagued titles such as Clash of the Titans and The Last Airbender. These were veritable crimes against humanity, whose stereoscopic cruelty was matched only by their godawful scripts and woeful performances.

 

Moving on to the …

Active 3-D 2010 Award for THE WORST 3-D MOVIE OF THE YEAR

Where do I begin? Jackass 3-D for its relentlessly juvenile celebration of bodily functions? It’s tempting, but then I’d be overlooking some other, even more depressing, screen-time wasters…

I’d love to choose the re-release (with additional yawn-inducing footage!) of Avatar, but I’ve already roundly slagged off that release (at length) in this blog.

Could it be that disappointing animated effort, Alpha and Omega? Close… but no cigar. Nope; the winner is a tie between… the envelope, please… The Last Airbender and The Clash of the Titans. Finding the biggest offender between them is akin to having to choose between Tuberculosis and Hepatitus…

Please insert brain here. (The Last Airbender)

 

And now… the big one; the…

Active 3-D 2010 Award for  THE BEST 3-D MOVIE OF THE YEAR

Without a doubt, Toy Story 3-D. This funny, moving and highly engaging franchise-closer was not only the best 3-D movie of the year, in this reviewer’s opinion, but it was one of the finest movies of the year, in whatever dimensional package!

To add to the thrill of it all, its release was preceded by reworked, now-3-D versions of Toy Story 1 and 2. Unlike post-production 3-D conversions of live-action 2-D movies, computer-generated animated movies are easy to convert into comfortably-viewed 3-D releases, as they are originated within a 3-D environment.

Toy Story 3-D beat out other strong contenders, such as the charming How to Train Your Dragon, the moving, very funny and stereoscopically exciting Despicable Me, and the dramatically sound Megamind 3-D.

CRAP OF THE TITANS

An Active3D Movie Review: Clash of the Titans (the 2010 remake)

Rating (out of 5 stars): Zero

Having recently received the reissue DVD of the 1981 version of ‘Clash of the Titans’, I asked myself (before viewing this new version) why there was even a need to remake that splendid original epic, with its imaginative array of Ray Harryhausen creatures and its entertaining performances from a heavyweight cast which included Laurence Olivier, Claire Bloom, Maggie Smith, Ursula Andress, Harry Hamlin, Burgess Meredith and Flora Robson.

Now that I have seen the 2010 version, I ask myself the same question. But with tears in my eyes.

If you have even the slightest interest in Greek mythology, you will be offended by the liberties taken here. No one has decreed that the filmmakers be bound by those classical storylines, but then, if they didn’t like them, why didn’t they just make their own movie without any claims on Greek mythology? This travesty is akin to making a film purporting to be based upon Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’ – just that, this time, the lovers survive and eventually retire to a villa in Spain…

My next target: the script, such as it is. A dry, witless and unimaginative piece of work that seems to have been written by a computer. On autopilot. To this unexciting document, the studio has attached a couple of fine actors (Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes) who clearly did it just for the money. Their presence alone does nothing to elevate the project. How could it? If the film crops up in their obituaries in years to come, it will only be as proof that they weren’t always as  selective with scripts as they should’ve been.

Then comes the rest of the cast; a raft of B actors that wouldn’t look out of place in an am-dram production in hell. This motley crew is headed up by Sam Worthington, who recently starred in ‘Avatar’. If Worthington has a facial expression other than “clenched jaw”, then I’ve yet to see it on the big screen. And his Ozzie accent grates. Yes, if the Greek Gods had existed, I’m sure that they wouldn’t have spoken English either, but the Ozzie accent seems entirely out of place – especially in light of the fact that no one else in the film speaks that way. “If oi do thes, oi do thes es a mehn…”

Hey, if Charlize Theron could do something about her tacky little Boksburg accent, then surely Mr Worthington could do something about his irritating bray…

And finally… the topic to which this blog is dedicated: 3-D. The film was shot in 2-D, and, only after it was made, Warner Brothers decided to capitalise upon the current 3-D craze. So, what did they do? They converted it to 3-D in post-production. Now, post-production 3-D is capable of being quite impressive, but it takes time to do properly. Ask George Lucas, who has spent years  converting ‘Star Wars’ to 3-D, for future release. With this production, the conversion process was rapidly executed over a few weeks – and it shows!

The 3-D effect is unbearably bad for at least three quarters of the film. Every now and then, a shot works in 3-D. The rest of the time I spent worrying whether the projector had been set up properly – or my eyes needed checking. I’m happy to report, however, that my eyes are quite functional, and the projector was working as it ought to have. I am less happy to report that this particular conversion to 3-D is a disgrace. After seeing the film, many may be turned off 3-D cinema, and conclude that there’s something wrong with the process, rather than the film itself.

I was bored and irritated by this carelessly flung together piece of filmmaking, but am even more disturbed by the damage this could do to the reputation of stereoscopic cinema. Tat Wolfen